DRUNK IDIOTS!
by PsychoHaired
Summary: One-shot insanity. Listen to Hedwigs thoughts as everyone is getting extremely drunk... to the point that Dumbledore likes big butts? (Rated R for crude Humor)


"DRUNK IDIOTS!" By: a non-drunk idiot a.k.a. ronsgf4ever  
  
DISCLAIMER~ . blah blah blah don't own anything except the story line blah blah.  
  
A/N~ Ok this is a ONE chapter story, it is incredibly stupid and I was bored when I was writing this ::well THAT explains a lot ^_~::  
  
HARRY- Don't look at me like that Hedwig!!!  
  
HEDWIG- 'gee, I wish he'd do something interesting'  
  
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK  
  
HEDWIG- 'OH JOY! MORE SUBHUMANS!'  
  
HARRY- Come in!  
  
RON- Hey Harry, have you seen my underwear?  
  
HEDWIG- 'they're on your head'  
  
HARRY- Did you check your trunk?  
  
RON- No  
  
HEDWIG- 'THEY'RE ON YO' HEAD!'  
  
KNOCK , KNOCK  
  
HARRY- COME IN!  
  
HERMIONE- Have you seen Ron?  
  
HARRY- He's looking for his underwear  
  
HEDWIG- 'I can't wait 'till they're endangered'  
  
RON- Hermione, have you seen my underwear? HEDWIG- 'look on yo' head idiot!'  
  
HERMIONE- Ron you prat they're on your head!  
  
RON- yea, I knew that  
  
HEDWIG- 'please, how dumb can one get?'  
  
HERMIONE-Where's my homework?  
  
HARRY-I dunno  
  
RON- It's in the bathroom  
  
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK  
  
HEDWIG- 'OH BOY, MORE DRUNK WIZARDS!'  
  
FRED- HEY HARRY! WANNA CHUG BUTTERBEER?  
  
HARRY- sure  
  
HEDWIG- 'HOW juvenile'  
  
EVERYONE- GO, GO, GO!!!  
  
HEDWIG- 'heads up he's gonna blow!'  
  
FRED- BUUUURRRRPP!!!!!!  
  
HEDWIG- 'WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?'  
  
RON- Hermione?  
  
HERMIONE- what?  
  
RON- YOU'RE A GIRL?!  
  
HERMIONE- YES I'VE TOLD YOU BEFORE!  
  
RON- hey.  
  
HEDWIG- 'declare your love for her!'  
  
RON- I HAVE UNDYING LOVE FOR THEE!!!  
  
PIG- 'HEY HEG WANNA PLAY WANNA PLAY HUH HUH?'  
  
HEDWIG- 'PUT A CORK IN IT!'  
  
PIG- (choking)  
  
HEDWIG- 'IT WASN'T LITERAL YOU TWIT!'  
  
PIG-' (gag) cho- king.'  
  
HARRY- *hic* hey Ron *hic* Pig's cho king *hic*  
  
FRED- HOW CAN THEY BREATHE?  
  
HEDWIG- 'OH HAPPINESS! IT'S SNOGFEST!'  
  
PIG- help cho- king  
  
GINNY- Hey I wanna try!  
  
HEDWIG- (singing)' I'M LIVING IN THE PIT'S OF HELL!!!!'  
  
PIG-' (dead)'  
  
HARRY- Gi-nny- GER-OFF!!!  
  
PIG- (alive)' How can they breathe?'  
  
HEDWIG- 'You could have stayed dead you know'  
  
GEORGE-HOW LONG HAS RON BEEN SNOGGING?!  
  
HEDWIG- 'long enough for my taste'  
  
FRED- 5 minutes 6 seconds and counting  
  
GEORGE- I CAN BEAT THAT!  
  
FRED- GE-ORGE- GER-OFF!!!!!!!!  
  
HEDWIG- 'just take me NOW!'  
  
RON- I will forever love you  
  
HERMIONE- forever and ever!  
  
MARY-SUE-HI! I'm an exchange student from USA! I'm like sooo pathetic writing myself in every fic!!! Can I get like so totally drunk too?  
  
MARY JANE- HI I'M ANOTHER EXCHANGE STUDENT FROM THE USA AND I'M HARRY'S LOVE INTEREST IN ALL MY FICS! CAN I GET DRUNK WITH YOU TOO?  
  
HARRY- (gasping for air) sure!  
  
GINNY- HEY!  
  
HEDWIG- 'just please SHOOT ME!!!'  
  
SNAPE- WHAT'S ALL THE HUBBAHALOO?  
  
GEORGE- WE'RE DRUNK AS HELL!  
  
MCGONNAGAL- (from inside a room) Snape come here you sexy beast!!!  
  
SNAPE- What a coincidence! 50+ Gryffindor!  
  
MCGONNAGAL- SNAPE!  
  
SNAPE- Coming my shookie pookie bear with luvie luvie gooo!!  
  
HEDWIG- 'GROSS! I think I'm gonna be sick!'  
  
GINNY- (singing) I dun wanna be a chicken I dun wanna be a duck I just wanna shake my butt!.  
  
HARRY- DAT LOOKS LIKE FUN!  
  
HEDWIG- 'could the author of this STOP writing this?!?!'  
  
MARY JANE I'M LIKE SOOO PERFECT!  
  
MARY-SUE- NO YOURE NOT I'M LIKE SO TOTALLY PERFECT!  
  
MARY JANE NO, I AM!  
  
MARY-SUE- NO I AM.  
  
DRACO- Hey Mary-sue! Mary Jane! Wanna have a threesome shag?  
  
MARY-SUE,MARU-JANE- SURE!  
  
HEDWIG- 'GROSS! Get a room!'  
  
PIG- (DOING CHIKEN DANCE)  
  
FRED- dibadidadididodo dibadididou. (hamster dance)  
  
DUMBLEDORE- SILENCE!!!  
  
CRICKET- chirp chirp  
  
DUMBLEDORE- Hit it!  
  
A DJ IN THE AUDIENCE- (music playing) bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.  
  
DUMBLEDORE - I like big butts and I will not lie you other brothers can't deny that when a girl comes in with an itty bitty waste and a round thing in your face you get SPRUNG!  
  
HEDWIG- HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE- AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGG A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE!!!! OWLS TALK!!!!!!!!( run da hell out of Hogwarts)  
  
HEDWIG- THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!  
  
PIG- WANNA PLAY? HUH? HUH? WANNA PLAY?  
  
HEDWIG- OK sure whatever  
  
DJ- (plays Austin Powers jingle) 


End file.
